The American President

As Michael Douglas said in The American President, “My fear exists on several levels”.

I find this to be true for me as I approach graduation. I’ve done fine in school. I’m not the best student in our group, but I’m a strong “B”, verging on “A”. Considering the constant pressure of texts to read, internet group postings, papers to write, drugs to study, videos to watch, skills to practice, articles to review, quizzes to study for, exams to study for, practice tests to take, and all the rest of the stuff that comes along with being in school, I’ve never had to deal with so much happening at once. Even working in software with multiple timelines at once I didn’t have so many things to track simultaneously.

And then there’s the big HESI (comprehensive test which is an indicator for ability to pass the NCLEX). This Friday I take the Big One. It has all the content that they can fit in. Geriatrics, Pediatrics, medication calculations, anatomy, drug interactions, Mental Health, Community Health, Med/Surg, nutrition, lab values…. If I don’t pass I’ll have two more opportunities to try. Third strike and you’re out. Out of the program.

So long and thanks for all the fish. Been nice knowing you. See yah, wouldn’t wanna be ya. Elvis has left the building ** cue “God Theme, intro to 2001 a Space Odyssey” **.

And even if/when I get past that test and graduate, there’s the NCLEX looming out there. Sure, just another test. Except that it’s the barrier to my new career. After a year and a half of pre-requisite classes. A year and a half waiting to be accepted into a program. A year and a half of nursing school.

And as flattering as it is to have a job offer at this point, if I don’t pass, that could disappear because of it. Let’s face it, if they can pick and choose, they’ll pick and choose someone who passes their boards on the first attempt.

As much as people say “don’t worry, you’ll do fine”, it doesn’t help. Great, just one more person that thinks I’ll have no problem passing.

If I pass, it’s as expected. If I fail, people expected me to pass.

My fear still exists.